The Devil’s Beating His Wife

Come late spring, early summer we in the South, at least here in Alabama, enter a strange weather period. It could be 90 degrees one day, but it might be 70 the next. One minute it’s dead calm and you think you’ll drown in the humidity, then all of a sudden a nice breeze will…

Where is “yonder”?

The question of the day is just where is “yonder”? Or should the question be how far away is “yonder”? Or maybe it’s what the hell is a “yonder”? If you already know the answer, you’re a card-carrying Southerner but you should still read on for fun. If you don’t know the answer, today’s your…

It’s a Mad, Mad South

For Mother’s Day, I wrote about what an ill-tempered child I was. Mama’s mantra to me during my growing-up years was “You’ve got to learn to control your temper.” And it’s mostly worked. Now, whenever I feel a little flare up, I hear Mama’s calm voice and try to go to a happy place. But…

The Bad Child

I was a bad child. Terrible really. Quite possibly the worst. I liked to hide. And I was good at it. Whether it was among the clothing racks at Gayfers or under a table at Morrison’s, I’d hide until people were frantic then pop out at them, gleeful. I was stubborn. Even as a toddler,…

The book is here!

I’m tickled to death to announce to y’all that my book, They Call Me Orange Juice, is out! Available in hardcover and paperback, it is a collection of what I think are the best of the best of my early essays. Some are funny. Some are poignant. And all come straight from my heart to…

The Commencement Address — or — How Not to End in Bitterness

  This is the season for graduations so I was wondering to myself the other day what I would say if called upon to give a commencement address. Now I’ll be honest. I can’t remember who spoke when I graduated from the University of Montevallo. Not a clue. Can’t remember if it was man, woman,…

Debunking Myths about the South (Part 3)

Betcha thought I was done debunking myths about the South with Part 1 and Part 2, but we still need to set the record straight on a few more. Excuse me for a minute while I pick this bit of ham hock out of my teeth with my pocket knife. Ok, that’s better. Now, let’s…

Debunking Myths about the South (Part 2)

The other day, I started debunking popular myths about the South — fallacies that my Southern friends and I are constantly asked to corroborate. If you missed the first part, you can read it here. This is the second installment. Now let’s go forth and speak a little truth! Myth: All southern accents are created…

Debunking Myths about the South (Part 1)

Y’all, it’s time to dispel some myths about the South and Southerners. We’ve all fielded the questions, as dumb as they are, but enough is enough. Every single one of these misconceptions is a real-life example of something I, or someone I know, has encountered in real life when they ventured either north or west….

Some days peanuts…

Some days an idea hits me. Ker-BLAAAP!!! I don’t know where it comes from. It just appears, all of a sudden like, in my mind. And before I can hardly get to my keyboard, the words come rushing out, in pretty much the right order, and line up across the page like little soldiers in…