Between You, Me, and the Fence Post

Small towns are notorious for it. It can spread faster than a pat of butter on a hot biscuit. It can be funny or hurtful, friendly or mean, true as true can be or bald-faced lies. It’s repercussions can last for just a hot minute or for years and years and years. What is this…

From Snoot to Tail: Here are all the idioms about pigs!

Pigs are popular in the South, both on our farms and on our plates. The poor vegetarian is hard pressed to find so much as a collard leaf that hasn’t been seasoned with salt pork or a sliver of green tomato that hasn’t been fried in lard. And all manner of swine flesh appears on…

Going to Hell in a Handbasket

It’s time we had a frank discussion about hell. You know … down there, the hot place, Hades. Anyone who’s ever sat through a Baptist sermon knows that if you don’t get right, you’re gonna get left (thank you to my friend Phil Proctor for giving me that saying many years ago). I have to…

Am I in Hell or is it just summertime?

It not the heat it’s the damned humidity! You hear that plenty down here in the South. And it’s true! Our close proximity to the Gulf of Mexico means that the air is pretty well waterlogged with tropical moisture. And while this muggy climate is great for your skin, it’s bad for your health. You…

The Devil’s Beating His Wife

Come late spring, early summer we in the South, at least here in Alabama, enter a strange weather period. It could be 90 degrees one day, but it might be 70 the next. One minute it’s dead calm and you think you’ll drown in the humidity, then all of a sudden a nice breeze will…

Where is “yonder”?

The question of the day is just where is “yonder”? Or should the question be how far away is “yonder”? Or maybe it’s what the hell is a “yonder”? If you already know the answer, you’re a card-carrying Southerner but you should still read on for fun. If you don’t know the answer, today’s your…

There’s more than one way to skin a cat

I keep a list. Written in pen on paper. Plus, I have a spreadsheet. Once I started collecting the Southern sayings, I couldn’t stop! My little list that started out with a couple of phrases scribbled on a piece of scratch paper has since grown to at least 400 colloquialisms, and I’m trying to figure…

If it was a snake…

I am notoriously absent-minded. I leave the lights on. I leave the oven on. I misplace things. I forget things. I’ve even been known to get out of the shower without rinsing the conditioner out of my hair. Once I left the house with only one eyebrow drawn on because I got distracted while I…

Up a creek without a pot, a window, or a dog

I love to use idioms in my everyday speech. It livens things up. Makes the things you say more interesting. Catches dull people off guard. Gets an occasional laugh. And y’all know I’m all about a laugh. A few idioms that I especially like are multi-parters — you can add on to them for emphasis….

Don’t beat a dead horse

Daisy Ann. That was the name of my horse. She was a bay — reddish-brown with shiny black feet, mane, and tail. She was giant. Baw* let me name her. We’d ride Daisy Ann through the woods, and Baw would pull off a branch of huckleberries for me to eat while we rode. On we’d…